Hijos
del Altísimo (Children of the Most High) - http://www.altisimo.net -
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor. " (Isaiah 61:1-3)
Our examination of the depths of the Peruvian
soul has finished, and we have established our diagnosis. Now we
have to submit to God's surgery and follow his prescriptions in
order to be healed.
We describe some steps to healing on a personal level. This will
of course not yet change the national reality. But healed people
will be able to change their lives, and changed people will then
be able to change their society.
All preceding chapters were written in order to get to this
initial step. While we do not admit that we are hurt, we cannot
be healed.
Some memories and wounds may be so deeply hidden in our soul that
we do no longer remember them consciently. But this does not mean
that they are healed. They still infect our lives from their
secret hiding place. So we need the help of the Holy Spirit who
can reveal the hidden things. "He will guide you
into all truth" (John 16:13).
You may have made a decision (consciently or inconsciently) to no
longer remember certain hurtful situation. So it may be necessary
to revoke this decision before God, and to invite him to reveal
the wounds.
This step should be done under God's protection. It might be
helpful to do it together with a trustworthy counsellor. However,
we have to be careful. I would never recommend using techniques
of suggestion, group dynamics, hypnosis, or similar, in order to
reveal past memories. These techniques are based on methods which
equally invade the personal sphere, and so they repeat in a very
subtle manner the experience of abuse. The Holy Spirit convinces
in a very tender and respectful way, and he knows how much he can
reveal to us at a time. So we can work with what he reveals, and
need not to dig out more things from our souls before their time.
Also, an abused person should never be forced to accept
counselling from someone in whom he or she does not completely
trust. Counselling is a very vulnerable process, and many people
have suffered abuse - mainly spiritual abuse - exactly in
counselling.
It is my desire that every reader of this book may find a honest
and trustworthy counsellor, who is firmly founded in Jesus
Christ.
In order to give the Holy Spirit full freedom to show us what we need, we have to renounce to our "defence strategies", such as:
negating our wounds and conforming to our situation
bitterness and revenge
ambitions
vanity
the false appearance of being "healthy" and
"strong"
etc.
Admitting our wounds makes us vulnerable. Other people can see us as we really are. This may appear humillating. But does it not take away a huge burden from your shoulders? You need no longer to pretend and to hide your real self. God honors and protects thos who humillate themselves. (One of my teachers defined "humility" this way: "Humility is the disposition of being known for what you really are.")
You need to recover your own will. In the name of Jesus, we
bind and cast out the foreign will which oppressed the victim's
will (Ezekiel 13:20-21). We vindicate and free the own will from
the hands of the enemy. We free the conscience from the
"magic charms" with which the enemy has bound it.
We can consider this step as a "personal Declaration of
Independence" before God.
For this, the prayer support of a mature Christian may be
necessary. It is something similar to liberation from demonic
oppression. We do not cast out "the person" who
committed the abuse, but the influence of his will which has
taken control over the victim's will. As we saw in chapter 3, this is a satanic
influence.
This is not a "psycho-technique"! Secular psychology
can rely only on the inherent powers of the human soul. (Except
some forms like "transpersonal psychology", which is
already entering into the realm of the occult.) But the soul of
the victim has been weakened and hurt by abuse, so we cannot
impose unpon this soul the burden of healing itself. We need a
healing power from outside, stronger than our own soul. This
power comes from God, the Creator of the universe and of your
soul.
In case you decide to look for help by a counsellor, again a
word of caution: If you are accustomed to be dependent on other
people, you will probably make yourself dependent on your
counsellor. This will not contribute to your healing! Healing is
a matter between you and God. It is God who heals you and changes
your life. It is what you yourself decide, believe and ask, what
brings you healing; not the counsellor's prayer. The counsellor
can only help you to present yourself before God in an
appropriate way.
If you are a pastor or counsellor, please take this into account:
Never make people depend on your person or on your counselling.
Never give them the impression that your "ministration"
is necessary for healing. Never do something for your counselee
which he can do for himself (especially in prayer and in matters
of personal decisions).
"Unspoken laws" have to be exposed and broken, in
order to silence the commanding "inner voices". An
abused person carries much pain within. The victim must learn to
express this pain before God (Psalm 62:8: "Pour out your
hearts to him").
In order to deal with these hurt emotions, we have to break the
laws "Don't speak" and "Dissimulate your
emotions". In order to trust in God, we have to break the
law "Don't trust anybody". In order to recover our
self-esteem, we have to break the law "You will always
fail".
During the process of healing, you may often feel confused,
depressed, or angry, "without any reason". This happens
because the hidden pain is finally coming to the light. You may
need the companionship of an understanding person during this
time, who will not judge you while going through these difficult
steps.
This process of liberation is not for those who do not want to
submit to nobody at all. Real freedom is not the freedom to
"do whatever I want".
It is of highest importance, at this point, to recognize that God
is the highest authority, and that he is a good
authority. So your will, which has been freed to decide, must now
make the voluntary decision of obeying God according to his
revelation in the Bible, obeying him in everything, and
obeying him rather than men. God will not force you to
make this step. But only if you do it, you will find real freedom
and independence. Real freedom is the freedom to fulfill God's
perfect plan for our lives. Real indepence is being dependent on
God's infallible decrees, and therefore independent from any
opinion of the people surrounding us.
This is a step of trust. You need to trust, maybe for
the first time in your life, that there is really a good,
righteous authority, who will never take advantage of you, but
will act for your good. This good authority is God. He is
completely different from the people who abused you and gave you
bad examples of authority. (Read again what we said earlier about
the true character of God.)
I am not speaking about a "religious" decision. It is no decision aboiut religious forms, nor about the church you attend. It is a decision about your whole life. It means bringing all areas of your life under God's good principles. It will affect your personal character, your family life, your work, your contribution to society, and your worldview.
If you are an Evangelical Christian, you will probably say: "But I already received Christ." Let me answer in two points:
1. Most Evangelical churches have a quite vague concept of
"receiving Christ". They think it equals "saying
the sinner's prayer" and attending an Evangelical church.
This is only a "change of religion", but it is not a
surrender to Christ. There are very few cases where this kind of
religious decision has really led to a change of life.
Just compare the Biblical examples of Zachaeus (Luke 19:8) and of
Saul/Paul (Acts 9:5-6). There is no "sinner's prayer"
and no religious ceremony; but there is a personal encounter with
the Lord, and there is instant obedience and a radical change of
their lives.
2. Even if you have really surrendered to Jesus Christ: If your will has been imprisoned until this moment, then you were not able to make that decision with all of your will, since you did not have control over all of your will. This means that there are areas in your life which are not under your control, and you could therefore not surrender them to Christ. It is necessary that now, with your freed will, you confirm that decision and make it include all of your will and all of your life.
The following illustration is the continuation of the subject we treated in chapter 3. It represents a person who is not yet completely healed, but is on the way to healing and is using the resources God offers.
In this illustration, we see that the foreign, abusive will
has been cast out. The victim's own will has been recovered, and
submitted to God's will. Now, the Holy Spirit has all freedom to
guide this person who rejoices in a personal friendship with God.
But the effects of destruction which the enemy has left behind in
the city, are not yet repaired. Therefore I am not talking of a
"recovered" person, but of a person "in
recovery".
In continuation, we will trace the way to recovery. The steps
considered so far can happen almost instantly; but the process
which follows now may last many months and even years.
Perseverance is needed on this way.
We can compare the situation to a person who had to have surgery.
The surgery itself is over in a few moments; but there is a long
time of recovery where the patient needs further treatment, rest,
and exercise.
Isaiah describes in a prophetic picture what Jesus Christ did for us:
"He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed. "
(Isaiah 53:3-5)
There are two things Jesus carried on the cross: Our sins, and our illnesses. By his wounds and his death, we are justified from our sins, and healed from our wounds.
Jesus was not just another victim of abuse; he was not a weak man crushed by injustice. On the contrary, he is the Creator and Lord of heaven and earth! He suffered death voluntarily. (See Matthew 26:53, John 18:11, Phil. 2:6-11)
If he were not Lord of all, his death would not have had any purpose. That is why he resurrected and demonstrated before the world that death has no power over him. And that is why he can today give us life and healing.
So we can leave our wounds at his cross, where he takes them into his death, and heals us with the power of his resurrection. We can ask him for this emotional healing, in the same simple way people asked for physical healing in the Gospels. He is near to everybody who calls upon him.
It may be helpful in this moment to go mentally through the hurtful situations of the past, but in the presence of the Lord. Scripture says, with reference to Christ, "The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me." (Rom.15:3). When you were insulted, Christ put himself between you and the offender, in order to receive the insults himself. On that day when they beat you, Jesus was there in order to receive the blows in his own body. You felt helpless and abandoned, but Jesus was there and was humillated in your place. This is what it means that "he took up our infirmities". So bring these situations before the Lord in prayer, one by one, and wait for his comfort to alliviate your pain.
Jesus understands all the depths of our suffering, since he
himself suffered until death (Hebrews 2:17-18). There is no human
suffering Jesus could not identify with. He was insulted,
betrayed, beaten, falsely accused, publicly ridiculed and
humillated, tortured, and finally killed in a most cruel way.
Once I heard the testimony of a woman who had been raped. During
a long time, she thought that Jesus could not identify with her
suffering. He was not a woman, and he had not been raped. But
then the Lord called her attention to the fact that the soldiers
took away his clothes before hanging him on the cross. Jesus was
crucified naked; he was publicly exposed in a very shameful
position. Therefore he is capable of understanding also the
feelings of shame and hurt of a raped woman.
I believe the suffering of Jesus was even thousands of times more
intense than any human suffering, for the very fact that he was
not of this world. We as humans do not know anything else than
this world where suffering is a daily experience. But Jesus lived
in a perfect world, in the presence of God, where there is no
suffering, no illness, no war, and no sin. He left that marvelous
place in order to come into our corrupted world. Can any loss we
may suffer be compared with the experience of leaving behind a
world of eternal happiness? But Jesus did it voluntarily, in
order to identify with our suffering.
If you suffered abuse, it is possible that you began to treat others in an abusive way. If this is the case, you need to repent instantly and ask God's help for not falling further into this behavior. While you are treating your wounds caused by abuse, you can easily imagine the harm you may cause in other people's life if you allow abusive patterns in your own behavior to continue.
This book is written for victims, not for abusers. But if God
used it in order to show you abusive behavior in your own life,
then you need more help than the victims. You need a
revelation of the real extension of the harm you caused in the
lives of your victims. Then you need real deep repentance and a
radical "heart surgery", in order to be able to change.
And you need some people who commit themselves to supervise your
life closely, in order to warn you every time the abusive
patterns come back. These must be people who will not let
themselves being manipulated by you.
Abuse is like an addiction. Like a drug addict depends on the
drug for feeling well, an abuser depends on the opportunities of
extracting satisfaction, power, and other advantages from the
lives of his or her victims. In the beginning of the treatment,
the addict will not even admit that he is an addict. He will
cover up the facts with lies and manipulation. And even when he
gets to the point of admitting it, he will not be able to get
free in his own power. In the same way, an abuser will not be
able to change his behavior in his own power. He will have
"emotional withdrawal symptoms"; he will feel empty and
even ill when the opportunity of abusing others is taken away
from him. He must learn to change this false source of
satisfaction for the real source which is in God; in the fact
that God loves him (yes, even the abusers; read 1 Timothy
1:13-16); and that God offers him an opportunity of restoring his
life if he repents honestly.
You may also have reacted to your wounds in a sinful way. You may have taken revenge, you may have committed some injustice in the attempt of defending yourself, or you may have assumed prejudices against people who do not have anything to do with the offense. Edifying "walls of self-defence" is a sin, since it means to trust more in your own defences than in God.
At the same time, we need to be careful because the enemy always puts false accusations in our way. If you suffered any kind of abuse, you are most probably accusing yourself of many things you never committed, or which in reality are no sins: your feelings of anger, your attempts of confronting the abuser, the things you did in order to get help (which were "forbidden" to you). You will try in vain to find security that God forgave you these things - simply because there was no sin, and therefore there is nothing to be forgiven.
On the one hand, forgiving is important both for our healing and for our relationship with God (Matthew 6:14-15). On the other hand, many Christians feel accused and guilty because they "can't forgive", or because they have wrong expectations about forgiveness which are never fulfilled. Therefore it is important to talk about some common misunderstandings.
Forgiveness is not a matter of feelings.
Some people think they have not really forgiven because they
still are not able to have any kind or pleasant feelings towards
the offender. But forgiveness is a decision of the will, not a
matter of feelings. We cannot expect that the simple act of
forgiveness will instantly heal all our feelings. Neither must we
wait until we have friendly feelings towards the offender, in
order to forgive him.
Forgiving is not excusing.
To forgive does not mean to approve the offense. When God
forgives our sins, he does not say that sin is good. We do not
need to agree with the offender, nor to find excuses for his
behavior.
Forgiving does not mean trusting the offender again.
This is especially important when the offender does not repent
(which is very often the case). In this case, forgiveness does not
mean that the personal relationship is restored. The relationship
is restored only if the offenser repents honestly, asks for
forgiveness and makes restitution. While this does not happen,
there is no reason for trusting the offender again, nor for
having a close relationship with him. I can forgive a thief,
cancelling his debt with me; but does this mean that I will let
the thief again into my house so he can steal more?
The Lord says we should confront three times a brother who has
sinned against us: in private, before witnesses, and before the
church. "And if he refuses to listen to the church, treat
him as you would a pagan or a tax collector." (Matthew
18:17) This means "Stay away from him". Pagans and tax
collectors were people in whom one could not trust. If the
offender does not want to listen, there is no reason for still
having communion with him.
("The church" does not necessarily mean the local
congregation. Especially in a case of spiritual abuse by a church
leader, "the church" would be, in this case, the mature
Christians of other churches or denominations, who have
the capacity of getting involved in the problem.)
When Jesus died on the cross, he forgave the sins of all mankind
(2 Corinthians 5:19, 1 John 2:2). Does this mean that his
relationship with every human being was restored? - Obviously
not. Not everybody will go to heaven. In order to be in peace
with Jesus, it is necessary to repent and to ask his forgiveness.
- The same applies to human relationships. In order to be in
peace with me, the offender must repent.
Forgiving is not forgetting
Some Christians think they have not really forgiven because they
still feel hurt and cannot forget the offense. They think they
should be able to forget everything, as Jer.31:34 seems to
suggest ("I will remember their sins no more"). But can
God, the Omniscient, really "forget" in this sense? The
sins of Abraham, of Moses, of David, of Paul, and of so many
servants of God are remembered in the Bible for all eternity - so
we can certainly not say they are "forgotten" in this
sense, although they are forgiven. God's "forgetting"
means simply that he will not remember our sins "against
us" (Psalm 79:8); he will no longer use them as an
accusation against us.
Forgiveness is a decision
Forgiveness is in the first place a "legal" matter. It
means "letting free" or "cancel a debt". Jeff
Van Vonderen explains it this way:
"For the process of forgiveness, we must treat with the idea that someone 'owes' us something. If someone owes us a 'debt of pain', forgiveness means cancelling this debt.
... I do not believe that forgiveness can be enforced by law. Forgiveness happens when we let work in ourselves what God did for us. Try the following exercise: Take two sheets of paper. Write on one paper the name of the offender who 'owes' you something. Then write down everything this person did, and what this says about you ('you are not worth anything', 'your feelings do not matter', etc.). On the oter paper write 'God'. Write down there everything you are and everything which belongs to you, from God's perspective.
Think about these two papers. What would you prefer - God and his confirmation, or the payment of your 'debt of pain'? You cannot have both. But if you choose God, then, I believe, forgiveness will come, even if it will last some time until you realize clearly what God's redemptive work for you means."
Jeff Van Vonderen, "Tired of trying to measure up"
Forgiveness is a process
We should not think this is easy. It requires an intense
reflection on God's work. Therefore it is not good to put
pressure on someone: "Just forgive" - this leads only
to a very superficial forgiveness.
I believe there are two particular aspects of God's work which
must show their effects in us in order to forgive from our
hearts: His forgiveness towards us and his healing for our
emotions.
God himself will restitute what the offender took from us. - In
some cases we have to forgive many times; every time the wound
appears again in our memory. Jesus taught us to forgive
"seventy times seven" (Matth.18:22).
Does forgiveness mean renouncing to justice?
There are two Biblical statements which are not easy to
harmonize. Jesus said: "If someone strikes you
on the right cheek, turn to him the other also." (Matthew
5:39). On the other hand, Paul teaches: "For he (the
authority) does not bear the sword for nothing. He is
God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the
wrongdoer." (Rom.13:4). - So must we defend
our rights before the authorities, or must we "turn the
other cheek"?
I believe we should do both.
There may be cases where God directs us clearly to demonstrate
our forgiveness by renouncing to any action before the
authorities, as a supernatural sign of God's love. But this
cannot be done without supernatural grace from God and his clear
guidance. Then God will also take into his hands the vindication
of our rights without involving any human authority.
But this is an exception. The whole fifth chapter of Matthew
stands in the context of the supernatural perfection God gives us
as an example, in order to show us that without the
supernatural grace of God it is impossible to fulfill it.
Therefore I say we need God's supernatural grace in order to act
this way.
We must also take into account that Matthew 5 speaks only of a second
opportunity, not of a third and fourth. Jesus does not say we
should expose ourselves to constant mistreatment. If in the
second opportunity the offender hurts us again, he has already
demonstrated that he is not trustworthy.
In the normal case, God expects the earthly authorities to do
their duty of justice. Since every authority is delegated from a
superior authority, I have always the right of appealing to a
superior authority when I am being mistreated.
But when we do this, we should not do it with the expectation
that our justice comes from this human authority. Sometimes God
uses human authorities to make justice; but there are also cases
where we do not find any human authority who would defend us.
Ultimately, our justice and our protection comes always from God.
Even though, we should expose our case before a human authority.
If this authority does not protect us, then we are in the case of
"turning the other cheek". But the authority must hear
our voice, in order to be reminded of their duty.
Proverbs 24:11-12 says - to authorities in the first place:
"Rescue those being led away to death; hold back
those staggering toward slaughter.
If you say, "But we knew nothing about this," does not
he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it? Will he not repay each
person according to what he has done?"
For the same reason, Paul complained before the authorities for
the mistreatment he had suffered in Philippi (Acts 16:35-39).
If the authorities do not protect you, then the moment has come to bring the case before the Heavenly Court. There you will surely be heard and receive justice, even if it may last a long time. And if God allows you to get into this situation, know that you are a prophetic sign! "If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you." (1 Peter 4:14)
Your personal frontiers have been invaded. In the illustration we see that the walls have not
yet been rebuilt. But in the meantime, you can ask the Lord to
protect your vulnerable areas with his watchmen. "I
have posted watchmen on your walls, O Jerusalem; they will never
be silent day or night. You who call on the LORD, give yourselves
no rest, and give him no rest till he establishes Jerusalem and
makes her the praise of the earth." (Isaiah
62:6-7). - "The angel of the LORD encamps around
those who fear him, and he delivers them."
(Psalm 34:7)
During this time, rebuild your walls! You need to discover again
where your frontiers are. Where begins your privacy? What will
you allow other people to do with you, and what will you not
allow? What will you share about yourself, and what will you not
share? Remember that you are in charge of the city
gates. You decide about what enters and leaves your city.
In practice, this means discovering again who is trustworthy and
who not. Discovering again your own opinions, preferences, goals
- deciding yourself, not by fear of the people who determined
your decisions so far. Sometimes, it means simply learning to say
"No".
In the beginning, you will many mistakes. But you can rely on
God's protection. And slowly you will begin to notice more
clearly the attempts of other people to invade your frontiers. On
the other hand, you will be more secure internally and will learn
again to trust.
As you rebuild your frontiers, you will realize that you do no
longer need your mistaken walls of self-defence. You are no
longer in need of a harsh, isolated, self-sufficient, arrogant,
or overly pleasing behavior, in order to defend yourself against
real and imaginary attacks. God is your defender, and you are
learning to defend yourself in a right and transparent way. So
tear down those mistaken walls!
First, just decide before God that you will break down those
walls and open again your gates of communication. "Your
gates will always stand open, they will never be shut, day or
night, so that men may bring you the wealth of the nations--
their kings led in triumphal procession."
(Isaiah 60:11)
Then you will have to train daily this new behavior, with God's
help. Instead of dissimulating your emotions, say openly what you
feel. Instead of rejecting sincere compliments, accept them.
Instead of distrusting everyone, look consciently for people in
whom you can trust. Look for healthy relationships which are free
of manipulation.
Identify with your real identity. You are no longer a victim; you
are free. You are no longer a slave; you are a child of God. So
learn to make your own decisions as a free person. Do not be
afraid of making mistakes. Your mistakes do not diminish your
value before God. The only people who do not commit mistakes are
those who never do anything.
The illustration also shows that the
treasure of self-esteem is being filled again. The gates are open
again, so the "wealth of the nations" can enter (Isaiah
60:5-11). What does this "wealth" mean in our context?
Many messages of shame and disdain have entered your life:
"You are useless." - "You are not worth
anything." - "You do everything wrong." -
"Everything is your fault."
Now God wants to give you back the stolen treasure: your value as
a person. Your value does not depend on what you do! You
are valuable for what you are as God's creation.
The value of any object is measured by the price someone is
willing to pay for it. How much would God pay for you? - We know
the answer exactly: In exchange for your life, God gave the life
of his only son. So this is your value: the life of God's son,
Jesus Christ! What an immense value!
Let us see some more ways how God affirms our value:
"Instead of their shame my people will receive double honor, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs." (Isaiah 61:7) Can't we see in this verse the abused person? "Shame", "Disgrace"... but God will honor this person.
Have you been called contemptuous names? "Fool",
"stupid", "nasty boy (or girl)" ... - Now God
gives you a new name!
"You will be a crown of splendor in the LORD's
hand, a royal diadem in the hand of your God. No longer will they
call you Deserted, or name your land Desolate. But you will be
called Hephzibah (My delight is in her), and your land Beulah
(Married); for the LORD will take delight in you, and your land
will be married (to him)." (Isaiah 62:3-4)
A name is more than just a word. In the Bible, the name is the identity
of a person. As a victim of abuse or of a dysfunctional family,
you had an "identity of shame" (as Jeff Van Vonderen
calls it). But God gives you an "identity of grace".
It would be of great help, at this point, making a Bible study
about who you are in Christ. Here are some references to start
with: John 15:15, Romans 5:1, 8:17, 2 Cor.5:17, Eph.1:4,
Phil.3:20, 1 John 3:1. (Each one of these verses says something
you already are in Christ; not something you need to
make an effort to become it.)
The problem is that your mind is still programmed to think
according to your "identity of shame". You need to
reject constantly these thoughts and replace them with the truth
God says about you. To every ashaming lie, you will find a
corresponding answer in the Word of God. He says he has given us
the power of changing the way we think (2 Cor.10:4-5).
In a similar way, you need to change your thoughts about God. If your experiences made you doubt about God's goodness, seek for the Biblical truth about God's character as our father. Expect receiving from him encouragement, acceptance, understanding, comfort, counsel.
Abused persons feel that many things have been stolen from
them: their childhood, their simplicity, their dignity, their
reputation, their emotional stability... But God says that he
will restore what has been taken from you. "I
will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten ... my great
army that I sent among you. You will have plenty to eat, until
you are full, and you will praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has worked wonders for you; never again will my people be
shamed." (Joel 2:25-26)
In this context, there is a very profound truth about who we are
as Christians, when God calls us "his children" (John
1:12-13) and speaks of a "new birth" (John 3:3-8). Does
this not mean the great opportunity of starting all over again? A
newborn baby does not have any problematical past to recover
from. And if God himself is the Father of this baby, there is no
dysfunctional family background which could harm him or her. Do
we understand what this means for our emotional recovery? God
gave us not only a new life: he gave us a new family and a
new past.
This is a small "sample" of what we will receive when
we will be really, physically, in God's presence: "He
will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death
or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has
passed away." (Revelation 21:4) - But already
in the present, we can ask and expect God to comfort us from the
traumatic effects of the past.
You have also a new father! This is especially important if you
have suffered abandonment, abuse or mistreatment in your own
family. Your new father will comfort and heal you:
"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their
wounds." (Psalm 147:3)
"Though my father and mother forsake me, the
LORD will receive me." (Psalm 27:10)
"A father to the fatherless, a defender of
widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in
families..." (Psalm 68:5-6)
God can restitute all the love of a father you might have been
missing all your life. In the same way, he restitutes also the
love of a mother:
"I will extend peace to her like a river...; you
will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As
a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you..."
(Isaiah 66:12-13)
There is a very inspiring representation of divine healing in Ezekiel's last vision:
"... I saw water coming out from under the threshold of the temple toward the east ... As the man went eastward with a measuring line in his hand, he measured off a thousand cubits and then led me through water that was ankle-deep. He measured off another thousand cubits and led me through water that was knee-deep. He measured off another thousand and led me through water that was up to the waist. He measured off another thousand, but now it was a river that I could not cross, because the water had risen and was deep enough to swim in--a river that no one could cross. He asked me, "Son of man, do you see this?"
... He said to me, "This water flows toward the eastern region and goes down into the Arabah, where it enters the Sea. When it empties into the Sea, the water there becomes fresh. Swarms of living creatures will live wherever the river flows. There will be large numbers of fish, because this water flows there and makes the salt water fresh; so where the river flows everything will live.
... Fruit trees of all kinds will grow on both banks of the river. Their leaves will not wither, nor will their fruit fail. Every month they will bear, because the water from the sanctuary flows to them. Their fruit will serve for food and their leaves for healing."
(Ezekiel 47:1-12)
First we see that these healing waters spring forth from God's
presence. They increase very quickly, since after 4000 cubits
they are already sufficient for swimming.
The mentioned "sea" is the Dead Sea. Its water is so
salty that no fish can live there. In our context, we can compare
this Dead Sea with a hurt person full of bitterness. This
person's soul is almost dead. But now the mighty stream of God's
waters enters into this Dead Sea! This stream carries away all
bitterness and brings new life. The water of the Dead Sea is
purified, and "large numbers" of fish will live there.
This stream lets also grow trees. Trees are frequently symbols
for men. In those trees we can see people who approached this
stream of God, were healed, and now God uses them to bring
healing to others. Healed people will share their healing with
others!
Jesus refers to this prophecy in John 7:37-38. At the Fiest of
Tabernacles, it was a custom that the priest poured out water
before the Temple, anticipating the fulfillment of Ezekiel's
vision. In that very moment, Jesus spoke these words: "If
anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink. Whoever believes
in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will
flow from within him." And the
Evangelist adds: "By this he meant the
Spirit, whom those who believed in him were later to
receive."
This stream of God is now available in the person of Jesus and
the Holy Spirit! Jesus invites you to come and drink. Make this a
daily exercise. Come into the presence of Jesus. Read some
Biblical passages where God expresses his love and appreciation
for you. Ask him: "Father, put this truth into the depths of
my heart. Reveal me your love for me." And pour out your
heart before him. Tell him all your problems, hurts, and
disappointments. Enter into this healing stream which flows from
God's presence.
Injustice produces always anger; this is normal. Even Jesus
got angry when he confronted the money changers in the Temple
(John 2:13-17), when the disciples hindered the children from
approaching him (Mark 10:14), and when the pharisees accused him
for healing on the Sabbath (Mark 3:5). Anger in itself is no sin;
only certain expressions of anger are sinful. "In
your anger do not sin" (Eph.4:26) - it could
also be translated as: "Be angry, but do not
sin".
The person in recovery carries a big burden of anger which has
not yet come to the light. As the emotions are freed more, this
anger will also come to the surface, and may be directed against
people who have nothing to do with the real offense. Here is the
danger of sinning.
We must recognize, in such moments, that in reality we are still
angry at the person who offended us in the past (although this
person is no longer present). So there is no reason for directing
this anger against other people; but we must learn to express it
appropriately.
Physical activity may be helpful: go running, doing exercise,
or some hard work. Or you may want to take a newspaper sheet,
crumple it to a ball and throw it into a corner.
All this helps for diminishing tensions, but it does not yeat
deal with the root of the anger. The most direct way would be to
talk to God openly about our feelings: "Father, I feel angry
and do not even know why. But I know that they did much harm to
me in the past, and that I am still suffering from it. Please,
let me feel your comfort and put again your peace in me." -
Others may prefer writing down their feelings in a diary. You
could also write a letter to the person who offended you, telling
him or her everything you think about him or her (you need not
actually send the letter!)
An experience of abuse is always related with losses. You may
have lost your emotional and physical integrity, your reputation,
your health, your friends, your material goods. Most probably you
will never get back what you lost. But neither can you ignore
these losses as if nothing had happened.
So you will have to go through a time of "mourning".
Consider your losses like the death of a near relative. You will
remember them, weep and mourn about them, feel their absence.
This takes time. But you will also have to "bury your
dead" and go on living. There will come a time when you are
ready to accept that the past will not come back, and you will
look forward again.
Obtaining freedom is not only exciting, it is also risky.
Being free means being responsible for one's actions. Sometimes,
remaining "hurt", "captive" and
"conquered" may seem easier to us, since this provides
excuses for our mistakes. In Peru, even crime, corruption and
inefficiency in work could be "excused" with the fact
that "we are a conquered, poor and dependent country".
In essence, it is the same excuse Eve presented before God:
"The serpent deceived me". In other words: "I was
not free, I had no other choice".
Also, life in dependency offers a certain security. If I have no
freedom, I do not need to make decisions. I do not need to worry
since another person is deciding for me. I do not need to come to
the light and say: "Yes, I did this and that, it was my
decision..." Instead, I can say: "I had to do it, I had
no other choice, and anyway, life is like that...."
Freedom means to walk out into a wide space, full of
possibilities, but unknown. The fear of the unknown can prevent
many people from taking the freedom they are offered.
But God created us to be free and responsible, not to be slaves
and captives. He gave us freedom, and we are responsible before
him for the way we use it.
E.L. Cole, in "Maximized Manhood", tells that
president Harry Truman was known for a sign he had placed on his
office desk, saying: "The buck stops here." He knew the
tendency of people working in institutions - and in the
government - to "pass the buck" on to the others.
Against this tendency, he was saying to the whole world: I assume
the responsibility.
This is the mark of a free and responsible person. Decide to no
longer make excuses. Freedom and responsibility go together.
Assume the responsibility of making decisions. Assume the
responsibility of changing your life. Assume the responsibility
of helping others. And assume the responsibility of your
mistakes; do no longer blame others, but amend what you can
amend. This does not diminish your personal value; on the
contrary: it increases your dignity.
Hijos
del Altísimo (Children of the Most High) - http://www.altisimo.net -
Wrong answers to pain and hurts - - - - - Steps towards the healing of
the nation 
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